Not Obligated

I am a wife and mother. I cook several meals each week and wash several loads of laundry. Every meal I make and every load of laundry I wash is done with a tremendous amount of love and affection. (I suppose now I have to list “liar” alongside mom and wife.)

I admit there are things done out of obligation or because I imagine it is what a grown woman is supposed to do. Sometimes my motives are not pure nor positive. There are meals that are not made with love but with frustration. There are loads of laundry done with angst as I see an article of clothing in the hamper that shouldn’t be there. It should have been hung up and worn a few more times. There are days I’m cranky and the most love I share with anything is with the spoon that scooped out peanut butter and then took a dip in Nutella. Yup–a homemade Reese’s Cup on a spoon. I maybe shouldn’t have shared that tidbit. 

The majority of the time, I am the person who takes care of my family’s nutritional needs. I’m guessing my family would prefer I help them out of love, instead of needing a moment to adjust my attitude when their request upsets my plans. I would want them to feel that way when they help me–that they aren’t doing it out of duty, but because I’m so special to them. Thankfully (for all of us), God is working on my heart and I’m growing in serving more out of good motives and affection for the Lord and others, but I haven’t arrived yet. 

As I was considering this concept–obligation versus wanting to–I was reminded of how God does things out of love and relationship.  He reaches out from that foundation to address and meet our needs. My family needs to eat to live, and I am reminded of this often due to a text I receive regularly from my son after school, stating, and I quote, “What for sup”. (Notice the period outside the quotation. He does not use punctuation in his texts, so I am not giving him the benefit of having it here.) 

Sometimes I enjoy feeding them, and other days it feels more like an obligation to meet that need. Do we put that obligated mindset on God when we think about Him taking care of us? Let’s do a little test to check.

Let’s take John 3:16. It is a well known verse. Probably too well known, as I often read over it without much consideration. If I was going to reword the first part of that verse to fit with our topic–projecting our motives unto God–it might sound something like this: For God felt obligated to take care of the people He created, so He forced Himself to give His Son. 

I have to wonder how many times I think about John 3:16 in that way. But thankfully that is NOT what it says or means. It is not talking about obligations and fulfilling duties. John 3:16 talks about God loving and giving. Love is a word we can too easily pass by when reading about it in God’s Word as we may have heard He loves us many times–it no longer carries the weight it should.

Love is a relational word, a strong one. God’s love for us is not a dreaded obligation or an insignificant matter. God’s love for us prompted Him to give His best gift to us, His precious Son, Jesus. Interestingly, a little later in John, John 14:27 to be exact, we read that Jesus does not give like the world does. I imagine there are several ways His giving is different (and better) than ours. And I think it is safe to say that God and Jesus are on the same page when it comes to giving.

Go back to John 3:16 and think about how God’s giving was tied to and in response to His love. That combination resulted in death being conquered, our enemy’s plan being foiled, and a life-altering personal relationship with God Himself becoming available. I have to think results like that don’t come from a shoulder-shrugging, I-guess-I-should kind of attitude. 

This may not help us enjoy washing the dishes or adulting any more than before. But I hope it keeps us both from thinking God looks at us like we look at those dirty dishes sitting in the sink that need to be dealt with. God is motivated by who He is, and He IS love–an unchanging, lavish, giving the best, rocking the world, greater than fear, taking on and facing excruciating pain kind of love. 

With that in mind, read John 3:16 in an actual version of the Bible (I didn’t make this one up or alter it!): “For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (AMP)